Tuesday, November 28, 2006
When will this crap ever end? I am so so tired, and I feel so completely violated. Apparently I no longer have the right to express my emotions or to be angry. It doesn't matter what he has done or what she has done. I am supposed to be prim and proper and kiss their asses no matter what, even HERE in MY BLOG, in MY personal space. I am not allowed a place to vent or to work through my emotions, and I am certainly not allowed to say what I think of her or of the likelihood that he will cheat again some day. He's done nothing wrong at all, and either has she, and I am wrong to have feelings or to share those feelings with anyone. She discovered my blog today, by the way. When I found out I prepared a lovely post explaining to her that she was not welcome here and telling her exactly what I thought of her, but I was told that being civil or decent or nice even for the sake of the kids would go out the window if I posted it. I was told that I would never see a dime of child support because he would work under the table forever if I posted it, and he would do everything in his power to make my life miserable. Hello? You already did that, remember? Way to be a stand up father and man though. She is a big girl, and she should understand that what she has done (or what she has supported you in doing) is incredibly wrong and that she has really and profoundly hurt people in the process, and she shouldn't be here reading my private thoughts anyway. How dare you ask me to censor myself?!? I'll do whatever I have to for my children, because they don't deserve to be homeless in addition to being without their father, but you should know, both of you, that I am having very unkind thoughts about you. My opinion of each of you as human beings is far less than pleasant. Honor, respect and integrity count for so much in this world, and you just don't have any of it, either of you. This blog isn't about you. It is about me. This is my space to feel and to breathe and to be, and I choose to share my thoughts and feelings here in this public place because I don't WANT to hide my heart away anymore. I shouldn't HAVE TO be alone in this pain, and I don't want to shut out the people around me anymore. My heart is an open book, and you will not change that. Now go away.