Tuesday, August 29, 2006

cows are scary, so never hug them

Heh, funny article.

I recall rather vividly a trip to eastern washington with my dad when I was 4 or 5 years old. He left me sitting on a log on top of this big hill in the woods while he went off to relieve himself. That's a lie, but I can't tell you where he was really going. He wasn't gone long, and it wasn't anything bad really. Of course, as soon as he's out of sight, me sitting all alone on this log, along comes this cow the size of a freakin elephant. I have absolutely without a doubt never been so terrified in all my life. More than 20 years later I still avoid the cow barns at the fair. Those things are scary!

Friday, August 25, 2006

I miss you brain!

I've been MIA lately, I know. Im sorry! I've been consumed by my latest addictions, postcardx and postcrossing. Making weird arty things is fun! I'll post some of the cards I've made this weekend.

I am so tired. I hate moving!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

the mad ones

"the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centre light pop and everybody goes "awww!" - jack kerouac

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." ~ Ambrose Redmoon

Saturday, August 19, 2006


So we didn't get nearly as much moving done today as we should have, but I made some yummy homemade soup. YUM!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Jenny wants...

Saw this on another blog I love, so I thought I would give it a try - type into google "your name wants" and do a search. It's kinda funny what shows up...

Jenny wants to make sure you love the name of your dog as much as you love the dog itself.
Jenny wants this.
Jenny Wants Your Mess.
Jenny wants you to pull her finger.
Jenny wants her FRIENDS back!!!
Jenny wants love.
Jenny wants
a hug.
Jenny wants to get it; get it boy
jenny wants to do 40 things.
Jenny wants revenge.
Jenny wants to share with new students
Jenny wants to get her mother a fur coat.
Jenny wants to keep it manual.
Jenny wants to have a big party.
Jenny wants to please both of the women.
Jenny wants to join the Rondells.
Jenny wants to dance.
Jenny wants to explore the huge untapped potential of electric violins.
Jenny wants to build her career in the business department of a fast moving company.
Jenny wants to know.
Jenny wants to get healthier.
Jenny wants equal time.
Jenny wants to hear your ideas.
Jenny wants far more for Dubai.

and finally...

Jenny wants
to be just an ordinary girl.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The birth of Grey Forest Walt

I re-read this birth story this morning. I first read it years ago, and it's definitely one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. This woman gave birth to her son naturally, in the wilderness. The pictures are amazing! It's stories like this that make me want to rethink my decision to give up on becoming a midwife. Mmmmmmm....

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

"May your trails be crooked, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view."

---Edward Abbey

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Today, I feel...

like a wad of gum stuck to the bottom of some one's shoe. There is just too much in my head right now. WARNING: Depressing, whining, miserable crap to follow, so please feel free to quit reading now. I hate moping.

My friend Nicole has weighed heavily on my mind lately. I wrote about her briefly last week (or the week before?) and have been miserable over the situation between us since (and before that really). She's been my closest friend for the better part of 15 years now, and in the last year and a half or so, we haven't talked at all. She was dealing with some tough things, and I was dealing with some tough things, and instead of bringing us closer, that some how made us drift away. I logged in to an old email account last night thinking of her, and whatya know, there was an email from her sent the day before. At least when I'm depressed about our drifting apart and thinking about how she's doing, the feeling is mutual. So I sat down to write an email back to her, and i stared at the screen for an hour. There was so much I wanted to say, and so much I wanted to share with her, and honestly, there was so much I wanted to unload. She and I have always been each others sounding boards. When I'm upset, she's the one who will just listen. When she's upset, I'm the one who will just listen. When she found herself stranded in Germany dealing with a personal crisis of epic proportions, she called me every day and had to have spent huge amounts of money, just so I could listen. It's not fair for me to unload on her right now though. It's been too long. I sat there for an hour wanting to tell her about a house fire. I don't know why the urge was so strong, except that it's weighed so heavily on my mind lately. I kept on typing it out, and then deleting it, and then doing it again. I ended up sending her a quick note about how great it was to hear from her, and telling her how much I love and miss her, but I need to talk about the fire somewhere, so here that is too:

Last May a friend from work had a house fire. She and her husband and their 2 youngest children (one a few months old with lung problems and the other 3 at the time) made it out by jumping off the roof of the burning house. Their oldest 2 daughters were sleeping downstairs and didnt make it out. I will never forget the phone call I received that morning telling me her house burned down and the girls didn't make it. I sat there in shock and disbelief, thinking it couldn't possibly be real or true. Things like that just don't happen to real people! She and I weren't that close, but how could I not want to do anything and everything I could to be there for her in a time like that? I offered myself up to do anything I could to help in any way. I was in complete shock. I spent all that night (like 10 hours) bawling as I peeled apart wet and smoke damaged pictures of the 2 girls that her brother had salvaged from the still-smoking house, because they were all she had left of her 2 beautiful children. She and her husband were in the next room wailing in grief. There were boxes and boxes of pictures, laid out all over the floor on sheets to dry. Seeing those faces, smelling the smoke and the chemicals, hearing her pain that soon after they were gone was really raw and painful. I will never look at the world the same again. Every moment of every day means something. On a daily basis I find myself seeing and doing things, and then realizing those girls, whose lives were cut short, won't get to see and do those things, and it's just not fair! I hug my kids tighter now, I keep them closer, and I let them be young and free, let them do things and have experiences that I would have said no to before without a thought. Life is for living! I want desperately to tell Nicole all of this for some reason, but I don't feel right about burdening her with it after such a gap in our friendship, so here I am.

On top of everything else, there's been another tragic loss in the hiking community. I didn't know Edd, but i knew of him, and I regularly read his trip reports and admired his amazing photography. He was a man that truly had a passion for the outdoors. I normally browse NWhikers.net daily for my daily hit of hiking crack (yes, I'm an addict. I admit it fully. I cant function without dirt and trees and rocks), but this week, instead of going there and feeling good and getting excited about all the adventures out there waiting for me, I just cry. I can't enjoy reading what people there have to say right now. All I can do is let the ball of tension in my stomach continue to grow. I NEED to make the most of every day, because you never know what might happen.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

"The journey is long and the path is pathless and one has to be alone. There is no map and no one to guide. But there is no alternative. One cannot escape it, one cannot evade it. One has to go on the journey...The need is deep in the soul."


Friday, August 04, 2006

Favorite postsecret of the week...

Erm, uh, yeah. I love post secret. There's something wonderful about not being afraid to bare it all to the world. That said, I can't pick one this week. I like them all, but there isn't one that speaks to me especially deeply. Go here to check em out...

Thursday, August 03, 2006


Man is happily (and newly) married. Man has 2 children from a previous marriage. Man is happy as clam and enjoying life. Man pulls into gas station and sees old girlfriend in bad situiation, and rescues the damsel in distress.

You see, Man was seeing damsel in distress around the same time he started dating previous wife. Damsel got pregnant, and Man and Damsel made some idiotic agreement that no one would know man-damsel child was his, no visitation, no child support, end of story. Damsel married a sheriff and was happy, and Man married previous wife and had 2 beautiful children to whom he is a wonderful father.

Man is going on camping trip with friends and without new wife on night of Damsel's rescue. Man brings Damsel along. You see, Man can't help but wonder what happened to long lost man-damsel child. Curiosity always kills the cat, but some times cannot be avoided. The evening is innocent, the Man behaves in a gentlemanly manner (is gentlemanly a word?) and his intentions are good. Damsel is (assumedly - I know I would be) freaking out about all of this coming about after so long. You see, she has recently divorced Mr. Sheriff, and man-damsel child is with him. (I wonder if Mr. Sheriff thinks man-damsel child is his?) Damsel has a drink by the campfire. and another. and another. Soon a Jack Daniels bottle is empty, she has pissed herself, and Man and his friends are stuck literally carrying her drunken stumbling body to the bed in the back of Man's truck to sleep (and pee some more) (in the truck). Man sleeps for a while, drives Damsel home at 2am, and spends the wee hours of the morning in a laundry-mat washing Damsels urine from his bed. Man returns to camp depressed, wondering about his child, with no more answers than he started with, and goes through the rest of the weekend pretending none of it ever happened.

His pain is not transparent.