Friday, July 28, 2006

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, as will be tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that too.

So, um, yeah. That whole getting out of bed on time thing that I accomplised yesterday? Threw it out the window today. I planned to be out of the house by 6:30, and it was really closer to 8. I am soooo glad I have a flexible schedule. So last night was my last night in my house. We are going camping tonight, coming back Sunday, and meeting up with our new landlord to get the keys to our lovely new home. My plan is to camp out with the air bed until we get everything moved. I am sooo looking forward to a house that has windows that open. My house is soo stuffy and hot right now. Plan is to move all of our junk, clean up the house, and either rent it temporarily or just put it on the market. Thankfully, homes in our neighborhood sell quickly.

This weekend! We are going to Brown Creek again. Last weekend was fun. Swimming in the icy river was great! Unfortunately I don't think we'll be getting in quite so much swimming this weekend, as it's forecasted to be about 25 degrees cooler. That'll be good though. I love sitting around a campfire on a cool evening.

Go Seahawks?

So Dan went to one game last year. We developed a weekly ritual of spending Sunday's at a friends house so the guys could all watch the game together. This year, they bought season tickets. They've been waiting for MONTHS for them to come in the mail, and yesterday they finally arrived. Dan is soooooooo excited! 3 full pounds of advertisements and see us, look how great we are literature in a rather large box, along with 4 books of tickets not much bigger than a pad of post-its, shipped from CANADA, of all places. No, I have nothing against Canada. I like it there actually, but why do they send tickets to an NFL game in Seattle from Canada? International shipping is just fun? Anyway, I look forward to Sundays free of compulsory football, and weekend days with time to myself to do whatever I please. Go Seahawks!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

odd timelines

20 years ago I....

1. was in 2nd grade - I had social issues as a second grader. And I picked my nose.

2. lived on a lake - It was beautiful there. I can't say those were the days, because they weren't. My home life sucked, but MAN it was nice to be able to come home from school every day and jump in the lake, swim whenever I pleased. I had a sailboat just big enough for one person. It was called a sea snark. Or something. Id spend hours zig-zagging across the lake. Those were some of the few times in my life I've truly felt peace.

3. wanted to be a teacher - I have 2 grandparents who were teachers. They were a big part of my life then. It seemed like a good plan.

10 years ago I....

1. was engaged to Ryan - enough said.

2. had my heart broken - enough said.

3. wanted to be a photographer - I found a way to express my passion for the world around me.

5 years ago I....

1. worked as a photographer - Screaming children and grumpy parents squashed some of the passion I felt for the worls around me. But I loved it anyway.

2. reconnected with a long lost friend - I wondered about so many old friends over the years. I was too chicken to do anything about it though. Leave it to B. to have no inhibitions at all. She called up my Dad, who she had met only once years prior, and hunted me down. I love her!!!

3. wanted to be a midwife - I saw a CNM when I had my youngest daughter. Compared to the sterile and impersonal hospital experience I'd had with her older sister, my experience having a baby with a midwife was amazing. Aside from that, I really loved being pregnant. I would be pregnant for the rest of my life if I could, but that's not gonna happen, so the next best thing, I decided, was to spend my life helping pregnant women give birth to their beautiful babies.

3 years ago I....

1. was a stay at home mom - Enough with other peoples screaming kids - I wanted to be with my own screaming kids.

2. had a best friend - I miss you Nicole! I'm sorry I'm such a crappy friend. I should have been there for you.

3. wanted to be a park ranger - Yes, I was still obsessed with babies and pregnancy, but my soul only breathes in the woods, and that's where I have to be. Being a midwife means being on call, and being tied down. I need serendipity in my life.

1 year ago I....

1. managed a call center - UGH. Enough said.

2. bought a house - UGH. Enough said.

3. dealt with a terrible tragedy - I can't say enough said, but I can't talk about it either, because I have to live, because I'm still alive, and those beautiful sweet angels are not. Wallowing doesn't help. They are alive in spirit, but they don't get to experience all of what life has to offer. I have to make every day count. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. No ruts allowed!

So far this past year, I've....

1. changed jobs (ok, positions really, I'm too chicken to leave this company)

2. gone hiking - once a year is not enough. I needs my woods.

3. Decided my calling in life is as an environmental educator. I've always been drawn to finding a job that allows me to appreciate wilderness hands on. I've always had a hard time putting that into words, or finding a practical end to that need. The park ranger idea was as close as I could come to it before, but I hate bureaucratic BS, and I was really grasping at any straw I could find with that goal. There were 2 hikers murdered here in Washington recently. Their lives and deaths and their stories moved me pretty profoundly. It's a little thing in their big picture, as they've lost their lives, but their stories have given me some direction. I had already been tossing the idea of teaching around in my head (summers off!! Time to go hiking!!) when I read about Mary Cooper and Susanna Stodden. Susanna was an environmental educator, working for the audubon society, teaching kids about nature and wilderness. Click!

Yesterday I....

1. fought with Dan (what's new?) UGH

2. went to work - UGH

3. ate a turkey sandwich - Yum. I love Subway.

Today I....

1. got out of bed on time, for once - Any one who knows me knows this is a big accomplishment. As hard as I try, I am late for everything. I really mean everything.

2. hugged my daughters - yes, I do this every day. I love them so much. It stands out in my head today though - I really enjoyed my cuddle time this morning. Those girls are so freakin special. *mmmm...big contented grin*

3. have a headache - UGH.

Tomorrow I will....

1. work harder - REALLY, I will!

2. go camping - YES!!

3. drink a Mike's - aaaaah...

In the next year I will....

1. sell my house - sooner rather than later, I hope.

2. pay off debts - again, sooner, rather than later, I hope...

3. go back to school - I get the strangest feeling I am repeating myself...sooner rather than later, I hope.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

If only that were true for me. I want to like getting older. I want to handle it maturely. Ha! I just want to be young and stay young forever! It makes me sad that I can't accept time more gracefully. I guess my problem is that I want to experience everything life has to offer. I chose a path, and I like my path, and I wouldn't change the choices I made, but I wish I could experience all the other paths out there too. I want to soak up life!

Favorite postsecret of the week...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

great words from Maya Angelou by way of Tink

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."..

"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."

"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Coleman soul

I will exit the beaten path.
I will exit the beaten path to escape the urgency of clocks.
I will exit the beaten path all because I enjoy a good challenge.
To recharge my batteries.
I will exit to hear my spirited shouts echo off the cliffs and back to me...
back to me... to me.

I will exit the beaten path to rediscover who I actually am.
I will exit the beaten path, and in my soul, not return.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Tuolumne Meadows

I feel a compulsion to write today. I dont know what I have to say, and I really should be WORKING, but here I am. I'm way too introspective lately.

Someday I will walk the PCT. And the CDT. Someday I will jump from a plane into air and feel the cool sweet wind as a chute opens above me and glides me gently from the sky to the ground. Someday I will lay again in the wildflowers by Two Medicine lake gazing up at those mountains. Someday I will dip my feet again in the cold waters of the Yellowstone. Someday I will glide along in the sound in a wooden kayak that I have built with my own two hands. Someday I will walk down the dusty roads of Halfway. Someday I will dance and play with my children barefoot in some grassy meadow, laughing so hard we can't breathe. Someday I will be in good enough shape to climb a mountain and not hurt afterwards. Why is everything always about someday?? All the idealism is CRAP, but so is a life without it. I want to live TODAY. I'm tired of going to work and coming home and going to work and coming home, and never finding the time or having the money to do what I want for me, what makes me happy. What's the point to life if you don't enjoy living it? I'm DONE being a bystander.

life reunion

You know, MySpace is kind of a funny thing. It has a way of tugging at a person. That's not to say I've been tugged in any specific direction. It just tugs you around and about a little. I've always thought it was a stupid teenagerish thing, and laughed at all my friends who were into it, but it's really kind of amazing to be in touch with so many people from my past so instantly. Who would have thought I'd ever talk to my kindergarten best friend again? Or my first boyfriend, from Junior High? I've reconnected with so many people that haven't been a part of my life for soooo many years. It's really been interesting to see the paths they have all taken through the years and where they've ended up in life. It's like every day is a highschool reunion, and a junior high reunion, and an elementary school reunion, all rolled in to one. And it never stops. Wow.


Lunch... Today is soup weather. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm I love clouds and cool weather. Reaffirmation that I really do live in the right part of the world. It may have been 90 yesterday, but today I get a cool quiet ME day. A ME day with progresso chicken and wild rice soup. YUM.

Friday, July 07, 2006

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

IT"S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!

Woohoooooooo!!! This has been such a fragmented week that it really feels more like Tuesday, but none the less I'm thankful....FRIDAY!! 2 days of non-work bliss baby! Now I just need to find a good way to spend my weekend. I really wish I were going hiking, or going to the beach, or doing something really worthwhile, but I think I'll be cleaning my house and packing. Moving day get's closer and closer and we have gotten absolutely nothing done. Ugh. But ya know what? I won't be at WORK, so it's OK! Hehehehe I am such a dork :)

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Here am I, Little Jumping Joan. When nobody's with me, I'm all alone.

That was my favorite mother goose nursery rhyme when I was a kid. I had a read-along tape that went with one of my many mother goose nursery rhyme books, and I would listen to it on my great big brick of a tape player, back when they were new-fangled and special. Little jumping joan had this cute little child like voice. I always pictured some tiny cute little child, the size of thumbelina. I can still hear that voice. Too funny! Strange the little things you remember from childhood.

Standing outside the side door to the garage with my dad, in my pink coat...couldn't have been more than 2 or 3, look like I was just a baby when I wore that coat in pictures I've seen since.

My then best friend Megan and I in preschool chatting about our ages. I was 2 and she had just turned 3, so she thought she was old and I was a baby still. I can still remember being hurt and sad. I was so emotional then. Imagine that.

Laying by some creek in the sunshine with my grandpa...I think I was 7 or 8 maybe, my oldest daughter's age. We had hiked in somewhere, and the mosquitos were TERRIBLE. We were laying on blue foam pads in the sun, listening to the water, batting at the bugs. That was the same trip where mice got into my dads pack in the middle of the night and spread shreds of toilet paper everywhere. I remember thinking it was sooooo hilarious. Until I had to go to the bathroom. Oops.

Gurgy the Gorilla...My Uncle Sam bought him when I was born and brought him to the hospital. Never thought about it before, but an 18 inch stuffed gorilla is kind of a strange gift for a newborn baby. He's always been a little different though, love my uncle sammy :)
Forget teddy bears, anyway. That thing was my favorite stuffed animal growing up, and I drug it EVERYWHERE. I took it along one time when My dad and I went somewhere to cut wood. There was some kind of orange messy stuff on the tailgate of his old beat up white pickup. It smelled horrible. Somehow I got it on gurgy, and he smelled funny for years. I can still smell that smell in my brain, very distinct, and I still have no clue what on earth it was.

Fishing on the yellowstone river with my grandparents. I caught a fish bigger than anything my grandpa had gotten all day, and he told me it was tooo big and threw it back He was just trying to tease and play, but I was so mad at him. He laughed. It's funny now, but oooooooh!

Monday, July 03, 2006

My office in the arctic north

Holy COW!!! It's freeeeezing here today! When the sun stops shining and the clouds move in, you would think the air conditioning would stop pumping in cold air, but that's what you get for thinking, I guess. BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!