Sunday, November 19, 2006

hiccup. hiccup. hiccup!

Wow. Drunken posting. I've reached a new low. Total and complete drunkenness, just for the record. If all my previous soap opera shit didn't scare away the few friends I have this sure as hell will. I am an incredibly dysfunctional and pathetic individual. I sleep in the same bed as the guy who's leaving me for another woman. We do more than sleep. And I don't WANT him to move to the garage for the remainder of his stay beause i need him breathing next to me for as lomng as I can have him there. My friend K. is so right that I should make him go, but I really just don't want to. That would really kill me. Whatever helps for the chick in pain right? Isn't that disgusting and wrong? I am so desperate to hold on to what little I have left that I'll take anything and everything I get, no matter how unhealthy. I'm not the drinking kind of girl beause I'm the child of an alcoholic but we went out together tonight even though he's destroyed my life. I was really scared that I would end up bawling because that's what I do when I drink because of my mom, but I had a blast and I'm drunk on my arse and I'm sad about it because it feels like an end of an era type thing. And really there was never any era of this because I always fely icky about it. I am 27 years old and can easily count on one hand with fingers to spare the number of times I've been out drinking. No more after you are gone though. Tonight was fun but it will never happen again because tomorrow is a new day and soon I won't have him in my life anymore. That makes me want to hurl. And I just fixed like 10 million typos because I can't type when I've been drinking. Thanks, those of you who have commented and shown an interest in my silly little life before all this CRAP. I'll miss you. Yes, I do know this whole drunkenness thing is pathetic and disgusting. I hope in a couple months when I come to terms with reality and start posting about something other than soap opera dribble again you'll still be there. I may not really say it normally, but I LOVE YOU GUYS (and girls). Until then, cheers, and I hope you have incredible and wonderful lives, because that's all that really matters, and because every one of you deserves it. Love the ones you love and don't ever stop no matter what. Don't destroy lives, because it's just not nice or humane. And if you don't run away screaming because I'm a terrible disgusting shame, double cheers to you, hallelujah, and you rock. And for the record, as soon as atheist butthead is gone, I shall have my beautiful childrens (who are staying with grandmama tonight if you are concerned because I would NEVER dirnk around them) in church with me almost every Sunday, because they need to know God, and they need to know he has a plan for all of us and even though life may suck royally and not so graciously, it will all work out in a positive and excellent way in the end. Dan wouldn't allow them to know that, but what the F ever. He's leaving, and it's all good in the house of God, and this will certainly be one. And that is the only thing that gives me hope. That and I'll lose weight and be healthy and love myself, and then I'll find a hot-assed hunka hunka burning love to share my life with, and I'll thank God every day for the shit I'm going through right now because it will have led me to something so much better. Dude, happiness makes the world go round. For at least 15 years now every time I've had an opportunity to make a wish (shooting stars, birthday candles, so on and so forth) all I've ever wished for was HAPPINESS. That's a secret I'm sharing with you because it was always a private inside thing (MATT!) (Yes, the MATT comment is directed at sober tomorrow me). Isn't that sad that someone who was a kid or a teenager would have experienced enough pain that all they would want is something so simple as happinesss? Dude. It's the secret to my life. Shi$&^*&# I have a lot of typos when inebriated. I think I just spelled inebriated while drunk - excellent! I strive for happiness, no matter what or how. I WILL find it, and it will be GLORIOUS. And that comes straight from DRUNK-arsed JENNY, so it has to be true, cause I don't have the common sense to fake being anything else to come across better at this particular moment. And for the record, the waiters who work at Denny's on the graveyard shift f-ing rock. That may have been the best service I ever had, pumping my system full of toast and hashbrowns and moons over my hammy. Food is excellent, and that is incredibly significant because I really haven't eaten anything at all since Tuesday. EXCELLENT. So is this great big bottle of water I'm drinking right now, because I am going to be sooooooooooooooo sick tomorrow. Have an excellent night all of you,. and know that for tonight at least, I feel no pain. I may never dirnk again, because I feel oh so incredibly disgusted about the idea of drowning my sorrows in booze, but for tonight, for the first time since I don't know when, I sleep soundly. Excellent. For tonight at least. Kisses.

1 comment:

girlnextdoor said...

Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed this post. Mostly because I too am a child of an alcoholic, basically married to another one with 2 kids, and all I have ever prayed for is to be happy. Ah to have happiness. I do have to add this; Happiness is not a constant state; it is a moment; just one; so seize it every opportunity you can and treasure it. I want you to know that pain can either destroy us or make us stronger; braver; courageous; that choice is for you. I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel sad or angry, those are natural feelings, but don't let your whole being get consumed by this whole mess. Remember this; Some people are just not worth my time. Thanks for letting me say all that. I feel much better now.