Wednesday, November 15, 2006

a short and quiet breath

So I've arranged for a stay of execution again. Why do I feel like I am playing hopscotch over a bed of lava? I land face first and start sinking, and then somehow I manage to jump on to the next square and keep the game going, but with a little less of my heart and my soul and my happiness each time. We are going to give it 2 weeks, and then we are going to re-evaluate the whole thing and decide what to do from there. Anyone got some excellent ideas on how to rekindle a flame thats been doused by a tsunami in 2 weeks time? He doesn't believe there's any chance which certainly doesn't help our odds any, but he's given me 2 weeks anyway, given us 2 weeks anyway. I pray to God it works. I feel almost pathetic for not being able to just let him walk away, but it's just not in me to give up on my family. I can't do it. Especially when I just can't understand why.

2 comments:

sjer said...

I have no advice :( Just my sympathies. This situation sucks, and I know that doesn't begin to describe it. Sorry.

Woodstock said...

It is hard to look back with clarity and realize that there is a specific point at which you (possibly) could have made a difference in the outcome if you'd acted differently. I lost someone I still love recently to just such a moment.

And while I'm not saying this is the case with you, I guess I'm awkwardly trying to say that you have my sympathies on the pain and upheaval and everything that is to come.

[Found you via the NaBloPoMo randomizer]