I'm sorry.

So I trashed my post below about childhood stereotypes. The explanation I gave of where they came from makes NO DIFFERENCE. The whole post offended me, and I wrote the damned thing. I am ashamed that it sat here on my blog for the time that it did, and it's not even honestly and truly how I feel. I've gotta be better than that about running my mouth. It's true that when I was younger, there was no way in hell I would date military personnell. Part of that was a certain "image" perpetuated in this town of the kind of girl who did date those guys, and part of that was the fact that my dad drilled in to my head as a child (damn he's tricky) that there was something shameful about it. As a child he teased me that I was going to grow up to flip burgers and marry a fat sailor. No, this wasn't cruelty on his part. He really wasn't trying to say anything mean, but rather trying to instill in my brain that I should do anything but that because that's what his own internal stereotypes led him to believe. We had many many conversations about his real dreams for me which included a lot of education, an amazing career, and a beautiful family, in that order. He grew up in this navy town too, and he wanted to protect his little girl. You know what though? When it comes down to it, those behaviors he tried so hard to scare me away from really aren't all that bad.

And you know what else? It just doesn't matter. Everyone has to find the path in life that is right for them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with flipping burgers if it gets you where you want to be in life. I've avoided fast food jobs like the plague my entire life, but I know people who work in fast food management that make some pretty decent money and have pretty awesome lives. I know others that worked in fast food to support their families while they paid their way through school to get to their dream jobs so that they could live happily ever after, and now they really are living happily ever after. You know how awesome that is? I also know young people that are barely getting by, just starting out, who's fast food jobs are the difference between making it and not. It's all about the journey. Above all I know people who work in fast food that have amazing hearts, and amazing personalities. I wish I were so lucky as to have their lives some days.

As for Navy guys, or really any military personnell, I just flat out need to apologize. I am sorry. I hope nobody read what I said, because I really didn't mean it in the way that it sounded, and I should be smacked for the way it sounded. I'm sorry Gloria. Please ignore me. I'm an idiot sometimes. I know you read it because you were still sweet enough to comment, even though the post was complete bile. :( Blech. My aim wasn't to say anything bad about folks in the military. My aim was to feel my way through my feelings about the life that has suddenly been thrust on me. I am suddenly a single adult, and that's not something I've ever been before. I've gotta figure out where my head is on that, where my heart is. That said, I have absolutely NOTHING BUT RESPECT for the people who give so much of their lives so that we can have the lives we do here in this country. I can only walk down the street because someone fought for my right to do so. I respect that. I can only drive my car because someone fought for my right to live in this society where things like cars come so easily. I respect that. I can only take my sweet children to school every day because someone fought to maintain the government that provides the funding for those schools, that recognizes the value of education for young people. I respect that. I can only run my stupid mouth in this blog because someone fought for the freedom I take for granted. I respect that. I don't know where my head was at the other night, but honestly, folks who go the military route are, to me, a cut above the rest. A BIG cut. If I implied anything to the contrary of that I apologize.