Monday, December 11, 2006

I officially decree that there will be no more morning.

I really hate morning a lot. I really hate that I'm still blogging about this crap too. I'm sorry. When I sleep I forget. Everything is OK, and my life hasn't come apart at the seams. I woke up this morning, so sure in my silly sleepy little brain that he was there next to me and my family was together and happy, and all that was there was an empty pillow, cold empty space. It hits me all over again in the mornings, and it hurts so much. I don't want to wake up alone every morning. I don't want to go through life without him. I don't want to go through the motions alone, take care of our kids alone, take them off to school, go off to work, pick them up at night because he isn't there to do it anymore, come home to this empty house without him. It's just not right. We made a commitment to forever, damn it! He's supposed to be there forever! So why am I so alone now?

No comments: