Friday, January 05, 2007
You know, most days I'm ok now, but there are days still when I feel like I'm just barely hanging on. Thank God it's Friday, because this is one of them. Last night was a terrible night in every way imaginable, and my youngest had a meltdown this morning for the 3rd morning in a row. She's 6 years old. She shouldn't have to deal with this kind of stuff, and it's just too much for her. She isn't at school today because she just can't function right now, and that kills me. She was always my morning kid, the one who jumped out of bed with a smile on her face, ready for the day, ready to live. She doesn't want to get out of bed anymore. She doesn't want the day to start anymore, just wants to sleep forever. She loves school, and she just doesn't want to go, doesn't want to see her friends, learn new things, or have fun. All she wants is to stay in bed forever. It breaks my heart over and over again. What do you do for a 6 year old who is dealing with major depression?? That just isn't supposed to happen. She isn't supposed to have to feel this kind of pain, and I can't protect her from it. Needless to say, I'm finding the anger for him that I just couldn't summon before, and that doesn't feel so great either. Anger doesn't help. I don't know what does.