I haven't had time to blog in way too long, and these short snips here and there from my cellphone just aren't cutting it for me. I am such a mess. I have excellent friends, and an excellent job. I have amazing children. I have people who support me and care for me, and I have people to support and care for. I feel like my mind is mush. I feel like I'm being pulled a million different directions, and I'm not sure I really want to go in any of them, and I don't know where that leaves me. I hate being alone. I hate being with people I love and care about and still feeling alone. This whole thing really sucks. Why do I need a guy by my side to feel like a whole person? Why am I so desperate for that?
I want to start thinking about New years resolutions. It's a little late, I know, but I know there are changes I want and need to make to my life and the way I live it, and I think focusing on defining what those changes are and then following through with them might help pull me out of this big ugly black hole I'm in. There are obvious goals, like the ones involving debt, diet, excercise, clutter, etc., but I think there are some deeper things I should be thinking about too.