Tuesday, June 05, 2007

fun times

All kinds of things going through my head, and I really haven't had time to write in days. Do you know that I bought a magazine that I wanted to read 2 months ago and havent even had time to open it yet, much less read it? This is ridiculous. I did start in on a book a good blog friend sent my way while I was on the plane wandering the country, (Thanks again Neal! You are awesome! I'm loving it so far!) but that's been the extent of my spare time. Ok, that's not true. I should say that's been the extent of my spare alone time. I have had some good company lately, and have some great friends. I also had a great time on my trip. Texas was beautiful, as always, San Diego was nice, and the drive up the California coast was AWESOME. Those are some beautiful beaches!! Pictures to follow when I get around to getting them developed, cause I left my digital camera at home. I
have a few from my cell phone but they don't begin to do the trip justice.

I have a million trillion thoughts in my head and it's all ridiculous turmoil. I hate that. There's a quote from the book I'm reading that really hit home for me, but I don't have it with me. I read it a couple weeks ago, and have carried the idea around in my head since. It pokes at me continually because it makes so much freakin sense. I wish I could remember the exact words, but I'll grab it later tonight when I have the book handy. The book is basically a memoir, and it tells an interesting story. The line I'm thinking of says something to the effect that starting a relationship in the middle of your life seems unnatural because you are not fresh and new in terms of relationships. It's like writing a book, starting in the middle, finishing the book from there without ever writing a beginning, missing the basic plot structure because of it. The idea of living happily ever after now, with some one new, is just weird, because who I am, what I am, how I am is made up of the experience I've had thus far, and that's not experience I share with anyone but Dan. That's not to say I want to be with him by any means, but I guess this idea, this thought just clicks for me. It makes sense. That's not to say I have any intention of being alone, and in fact I haven't been alone lately, and it's been really nice. I guess thinking things through just really helps me to come to terms with my feelings, with why I react the way I do. Who I am is a product of the life I've lived. It's a product of my growth and adaptation over the last 10 years. I molded myself into a person that worked well with Dan, changed as I grew with him, developed habits, tastes, characteristics that were appropriate to my life with him. Now I have to figure out how to mold myself into a person that works well without Dan.

Random Jenny fact for the day:

I really don't care for super-sweet fruity little drinks. At all. As much as it doesn't seem proper, my drink of choice is definitely

I watched Grease the other night. I hadn't seen it since Highschool when I LOVED it. I am seeing now that it's a really freakin bizarre movie. I'm not sure I mean that in a good way, either.

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