Thursday, June 28, 2007


Dan and I stopped fighting and started talking again. This is a good thing. This is a very good thing.

I met him half way last night (5 hours round trip) so that the girls could go spend a week with him. They are going to a family get together over the weekend and through the 4th at the coast house. He's taking Nicole and her girls, and that feels so so strange to me. I knwo they are togather, and I might even be happy that they are together, but at the same time, his family is my family, and it fdeels like she stepped in and assumed my identity, took my place in my own family. It's a really weird feeling, and not an altogether pleasant one. I miss Dan's family a lot, and I don't really even talk to them now. I spoke to his mom for a few minutes the other night, but she is so sensitive when it comes to him that it's difficult to have a conversation with her. I don't have to say anything *about* him at all - the moment his name comes up in conversation she rushes me off of the phone, even if she is the one to bring up his name. Damn it woman, you are my family!

I miss the girls. A lot. I know this is only the first morning, and I know they have gone there to visit many times before, but only once for this long, and not at all for quite a while now because he hasnt been up to it. I don't think I realize fully how much a part of me they are until they are away. I feel empty, incomplete. So much of what I say and do and feel and live is for them or influenced by them. I am a shell when they are not here. I can move and live and breathe and even have fun without them, but I am not myself, and I am not complete, and I feel like I am living a life other than my own. I don't like it. I miss my babies. I can't wait for them to come home.

I'm off to work now... I do love my job. That's something I guess.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well I was looking for "something interesting" and got you going on an on... where's the interesting bit?
Ok, I'm just joking with ya

all the best for the future