Tuesday, October 10, 2006


I want to write something wild and unruly. I want to be inspired and passionate. I want to write and write and write and fill this blog with my soul. That said, some days I can try, and others I just can't. I'm in a funk. I'm bogged down with the day to day and don't seem to have the time or energy mentally to explore what's on my heart and mind here. Ugh. *sigh*

So today, I have nothing profound, or even interesting really. I go to work and come home, go to work and come home, and try to create some semblance of organization in my house full of boxes in between. *sigh*

I'm going on a week and a half now of childcare nightmares. My old babysitter's hubby got a new job. Yay for him! :) Not so Yay for me. The new job means they're rearranging their schedule, which means they're looking for daycare for their own kids, and they can't watch mine after school anymore. My girls last day with them was a week and a half ago, and despite the fact that she gave me ample notice, I was completely unprepared. My mom had implied that she would probably watch them, and sucker that I am, I didn't make alternate plans. She backed out on the same day she was supposed to start watching them, of course. I HATE looking for new daycare. It's a NIGHTMARE trying to find some one I can afford that I feel like I can trust with my babies. I'm sick to my stomach over it. It's just unnatural and wrong to leave my children in the care of some one I don't know, and I don't know anyone looking to commit 2 or 3 hours of their day to watching them. We've had a long string of nightmare babysitters, starting when oldest was 3 months old and the babysitter gave her an adult dose of pepto because she was fussy and she thought she must have a tummy ache. OMG!!! I just don't want to do it any more. The wife of a friend of Dan's offered, and was supposed to start today with them, but she and her husband got in a big fight last night, she left, and she hasn't come back, last i heard. Even if she does come back now, Yeah, THAT's the environment I want my kiddos in. The only option I feel even remotely good about is the YMCA after school program at their school, but the lady who coordinates it won't even return my messages. Do my children have the plague? They really are incredibly well behaved sweet-natured girls! I promise! I am so incredibly frustrated, and I feel so helpless. It's a disgusting feeling for a control freak like me. Rrrrrr... Meanwhile, I'm having to leave work early constantly to pick them up, which means I'm way stressed there too. Urgh. I would give anything to be able to stay home with them again. I could go back to school and work it around their school schedule, I could unpack boxes and have a clean house, I could get back into photography, I could *not* spend all day every day in front of a computer...and my babies wouldn't be with strangers. *sigh*

On a more, um, positive note? I made some awesome spaghetti last night. I'm not a mushroom person at all, but I found myself with a bag of chanterelles in the fridge (picked by a friend - they grow around here). I had never tried them before, and I was really scared that they'd ruin the whole thing for me, all exotic and mushroomy and all, and I'd have to cook separate dinner for myself, but speaking as some one who doesn't really like mushrooms AT ALL, chanterelles are some excellent mushrooms! They have kind of a delicate nutty flavor that TOTALLY made the sauce. Regular sauce will never taste as good now that I've been spoiled. :) *sigh*


Catherine said...

I'm having day care issues right now as well. It's very stressful, isn't it? I'm also having teething issues. And afraid-of-the-dark issues. And a cold-that-won't-quit issues. Sorry! I'm taking over your blog to complain!

just wanted to say that I empathize. :)Many well wishes to you, Jenny.

Jenny said...

Catherine, I've gotta say you rock! Misery loves company, ya know? Thanks for the happy thoughts too - and at least I know I'm not alone. Feel free to vent here any time at all. :)

Sonia said...

Wow...I can relate to this entire post! btdt with the childcare thing. Man, that is stressful! I too want to be more "profound"in my blogging...but like you and most women...don't have the time. :: holds up coffee cup:: here's to us both finding time!