Sunday, April 01, 2007

buttercup

I've come so far this week in terms of acceptance. I'm trying to decide now if it's growth or insanity. The girls are visiting Dan in Oregon this week. I agreed Friday to let him take him over to his girlfriend's house for a few hours so they could meet her and her kiddos. He does live there, so there will have to be a point when they visit him there I'm sure, and easing them into that has to be a good thing. Yesterday I found myself agreeing to letting them spend the night there with him instead of him having to go back to his mom's house with them at bedtime. His mom lives an hour away and they were having fun playing with her kiddos, and didn't want to leave. Today, I find myself giving in again. He called and told me he had a huge favor to ask. He needed to go to work, and wondered if it would be ok if the girls stayed there with his girlfriend so he wouldn't have to make the 2 hour round trip drive to his mom's house. I said yes. Somehow in 3 days time I've gone from forbidding him to take my children around her even momentarily under any circumstances to letting him leave them alone with her overnight. I understand that I need to differentiate between my urge to protect them and my urge to protect myself. It's a fine line, and one I think I've clearly staggered across a few times in past months. Now I am finding I'm trying to convince myself that I haven't just gone nuts. I love my babies so much. I really hope they are as ok with being there as they say they are. I really wish I could just hold them in my arms right now.

1 comment:

Bethiclaus said...

I can't imagine how hard a decision that was for you. I think you've shown a lot of maturity through this whole thing.