Monday, August 06, 2007


1. First day back to work after a good chunk of a week taken off to move. UGH.

2. He told me this morning about the great relationship he has with a female coworker. He tells me in detail about how they sexually harass one another to pass the time. It's all in good fun, and they are goofing around, but he shouldn't tell me these things. My heart can't handle it. My head knows it's no big deal, but my heart knows the world dropped out from under my feet 9 months ago, and I'm fragile. I trust him completely and without a doubt, but I also trusted Dan completely and without a doubt. I helped him find her, because she was an important piece of his past, and I encouraged their friendship, because I loved him and it was important to him, and because I never thought for a moment that he would step out of the bounds of our trust. I'm not generally a jealous person, but I'm definitely overly-sensitive right now, and he really just shouldn’t tell me these things. It’s not even that I care that he has this kind of relationship with this girl. He just really shouldn’t tell me about it. I kind of let it go this morning, kept the smile on my face, tried hard not to let it bother me, but I got to thinking about it on the way home from work, and I struggled, and I cried, and it sucked. I know the right thing to do is to let it go, because it’s nothing, and because I have nothing to be jealous of, and because I know he loves me, and because I don’t ever want to control anyone in any way. It’s just really fucking hard.

3. I had to let our family pets go tonight. 2 cats, 4 years, had to walk away and let them cry. It wasn’t easy in any sense.

4. Got out of the car when I got home, and there was a dumb ass dog crapping in my front yard.

5. Corinne called me crying. She misses me, and she wants to be home. She wouldn’t stop crying, and I’m not sure she is going to until I can get her home. I hate sending them there to visit him so damned much.

No comments: