There was a time when I was brave, when I didn't care who knew what was in my heart, what was on my mind. I want that back. I feel like i censor myself so much here, so completely. I worry about who might read my words, who might be hurt by them, who might judge me for them. I've always worried about that, even before anyone I know in person ever knew about this. Why should I care about what strangers think? This worry, this filtering of my ooze of emotion makes me feel like I'm not being true to my heart. I don't like it. Part of me thinks maybe I should just start a new blog, one that the people around me don't have access to, but that would feel like betrayal of myself too, as this blog, this place, these pages... they contain such a huge chunk of my soul. So here's my goal: NO MORE CENSORING. I need to let it go. I need to say what I feel when I feel it. It doesn't matter who reads it or how they feel about it, because I don't want to be a person who hides themselves, hides their heart, hides whats in their soul anyway. My heart should be an open book. If you know me for the real me and still love me, then I love you too. If you are hurt by my messy heart, I'm sorry, but at least we know that our souls arent meant to do anymore than pass in the night. Right?
I'm gonna try at least.