tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59795572012-02-06T02:34:01.526-08:00Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.comBlogger2881100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-51097057990296337472011-11-27T21:46:00.000-08:002011-11-27T21:46:01.700-08:00

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring with your moon. I want to know if you have touched

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-50489901141253994652011-06-17T17:12:00.001-07:002011-06-17T17:13:50.158-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-39611272705762976022011-06-12T15:29:00.001-07:002011-06-12T17:51:32.282-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-52206366195212014752011-04-21T22:44:00.000-07:002011-06-12T17:52:04.968-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-33418905417437706062011-04-21T21:38:00.000-07:002011-04-21T22:02:05.676-07:00

Things change, and then they change and change and change.Im struggling for work-life balance and failing, desperately, miserably, hopelessly. My job is good, the weight it demands is not. I want to live on acres and acres. I want to build a simple meaningful home with my hands, with my mind, with my soul.I want to plant a garden, preserve a harvest, sustain my family with fruits of my own

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-84364033998788038292010-07-05T21:08:00.000-07:002010-07-05T21:10:42.249-07:00

Made this one for Miss Tiffany, and loved it so much I made another just like it for Baby Molly :)

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-72361663426659256022010-03-07T20:48:00.000-08:002010-03-07T21:25:22.792-08:00

It's been a long time since I've written here. Lots going on, but nothing super interesting to read about I suppose. It's funny how life comes in waves. Some of them drive me to write, and others just drive me to live and breathe and do. That's the wave I've ridden this last year or 2 or 3. I'm alive though. Work is stressful and doesn't make me feel all that great. My girls are

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-68656894691918848782009-10-19T22:43:00.000-07:002009-10-19T22:45:48.231-07:00

I miss you. Making a place for myself, making time for my thoughts, my heart. I have to find some direction before I'm lost forever. Even progress doesn't seem to make much sense anymore.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-77003424860259996642009-06-24T00:27:00.001-07:002009-10-19T22:40:34.263-07:00

4 months in this new house and I still feel like I'm in some strangeforeign place lying in bed at night. When will this feel like my room,my space? When will this feel like home? Will this ever feel likehome? This house, these people, this situation, this life? Its oddworking so hard for this only to feel like its not really mine anyway.Laying here in the dark with my sprained ankle wrapped in an

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-12515319345843602982009-03-28T14:36:00.001-07:002009-03-28T22:59:51.995-07:00

Straining my eyes to see through the pouring rainIn a metal box hurtling down the freeway at 75, but not 80Crooked shirts and shouldersMix tapes in frenchThe warmth of his body next to mineSweet scissors stabbing at my sanityThat intoxicating scent spreads my heart so thin

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-6187786508868662282009-03-28T07:09:00.000-07:002011-06-12T17:39:58.424-07:00

or at least I wish I were. Stupid song is stuck in my head. I'm so tired of holding up the facade of this strong woman who can handle anything while really on the inside I'm walking around on the verge of tears.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-73477799949702181222008-11-12T16:22:00.001-08:002009-01-06T09:35:36.115-08:00

Respect is a funny thing. You can't ask for it, or what you get isn't real, isn't genuine. Where does that leave you when you have EARNED it but still don't get it? It leaves me feeling trapped, with no way out but simply walking.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-55099019047556969152008-11-06T16:18:00.000-08:002008-11-06T16:19:45.767-08:00

Work is insane, the rain won't stop falling, I'm cold, my head hurts, and I really just want to cuddle up in a big soft blanket and close my eyes. Is that too much to ask?

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-502386526130471862008-10-12T22:23:00.001-07:002008-10-12T22:23:54.807-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-72552874715721495932008-10-05T20:18:00.000-07:002008-10-05T22:10:01.191-07:00

Im in a deep dark murky place tonight.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-52764822798886312282008-09-20T10:01:00.000-07:002008-10-05T22:18:03.589-07:00

Spent the weekend at the beach with Miss Bobbie. It was good to relax, to get away from work, kids, and everything else. I miss her!The jettee... We climbed across the rocks and went from the shore all the way out to the end of this. It was a long climb, and a little unnerving at times, but it was fun, and we got some cool pictured of pelicans that were hanging out at the ocean end of it.B

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-85356414850914988422008-09-14T09:49:00.000-07:002008-10-05T22:20:29.141-07:00

Miss CorinneBrooke with Miss Alainacrazy deer

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-55725049091177589042008-09-05T10:14:00.000-07:002008-10-05T10:19:21.754-07:00

Not sure whose idea it was to take pictures at this point in the day - after we had all been bawling our eyes out for God knows how long. I am really going to miss her damn it.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-54669863010977816752008-09-03T10:21:00.000-07:002008-10-05T10:24:10.078-07:00

First day of school... 3rd and 5th grades this year - unbelievable!

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-61312700550915965012008-07-21T10:05:00.001-07:002008-07-21T10:05:37.324-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-43940371936812693632008-05-19T22:32:00.000-07:002008-05-19T22:34:56.869-07:00

I decided how I feel about it. I'm not going. I want to see her, to know her, to spend time with her, but I dont want to be a part of that. Im not buying a ticket, not asking for time off work right now. Maybe I'll find a way to go see her in a couple months.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-21980030167754713162008-05-14T10:18:00.000-07:002008-05-14T10:19:02.579-07:00

My Dad's shoe size is 14EEE.My Mom had jet black hair before it turned to salt and pepper.I have green eyes.My grandmother was a circus performer before she met my grandfather. I'm supposed to fly to Cleveland to put her in a home in a couple weeks.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-67669735608507810932008-05-06T23:25:00.001-07:002008-05-06T23:28:34.170-07:00

Day 2 swimming... 45 minutes swimming laps. Good stuff.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-82340213887496565242008-05-05T15:13:00.001-07:002008-05-05T15:13:06.587-07:00

Started swimming again today at lunch.  45 minutes trudging against the current in the lazy river, and my legs feel like they are made of rubber.  I feel good. :)

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-84396702621594500162008-05-02T22:03:00.000-07:002008-05-02T22:06:27.347-07:00

Dude, that's the worst thing you ever could have said to me. There is no quicker way to make me go berserk or to drive me away. I don't want to be conservative. I want to live, feel, be.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-36123677888081502132008-04-27T21:08:00.001-07:002008-04-27T21:08:49.813-07:00

I really miss you.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-10592468124172650312008-04-25T19:44:00.000-07:002008-04-25T19:54:10.935-07:00

The first was when I was 5 or 6 and purple slime monsters flooded my grandparents house with purple slime, and I was perched on top of the wood stove scared out of my mind while the monsters swam around the room.Last night, the second...There was a big storm, and there was flooding everywhere. (What's the deal with me and floods?) There were 10 foot tall waves in my back yard, and many grizzly

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-65295311563322972142008-04-18T00:05:00.001-07:002008-04-18T00:07:13.949-07:00

Can I just have a complete and total emotional breakdown now and get it over with? Being strong is really just way too hard. I want to go off the deep end.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-6412453200666410312008-04-17T23:11:00.000-07:002008-04-17T23:12:01.287-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-76195781619218812772008-04-07T23:18:00.000-07:002008-04-07T23:25:51.495-07:00

Watched it last night... I generally believe the mark of a good movie is that it will either make me laugh out loud, or it will bring tears to my eyes, or both. Never before have I found part way through a movie that I am moved to the point where I don't want to watch anymore, and just want to go curl into the fetal position in some dark corner to cry. Never before have I watched a movie

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-68464770117403042132008-04-07T00:22:00.001-07:002008-04-07T00:22:37.806-07:00

i am broken.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-30286756656198921282008-03-31T23:41:00.001-07:002008-03-31T23:42:13.781-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-2747416744451832572008-03-24T22:18:00.001-07:002008-03-24T22:18:35.077-07:00

I can't go to extremes with you. You keep me on an even keel and i don't like it - I need to feel.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-84736110221674738322008-03-23T11:54:00.001-07:002008-03-23T11:54:52.899-07:00

Happy easter!

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-64358842954819200952008-03-19T22:52:00.000-07:002008-03-19T23:07:55.472-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-84788482782129625302008-03-15T08:46:00.000-07:002008-03-15T09:27:15.171-07:00

All I meant to say the other night was that I have a tendency to avoid my emotions these days, and that makes blogging difficult.GEEZI have the weirdest flippin dreams sometimes. I woke from one this morning, thoroughly confused. I was dating a guy. He sometimes had Dave's face, sometimes John's, and sometimes Scot's. I was there (there I was!) and we were together, and we loved each other, and

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-83289415437445605392008-03-13T23:27:00.000-07:002008-03-14T00:08:53.489-07:00

I want very much to reclaim my blog, to spill my heart and life and mind onto these pages again.Honestly, it's too hard right now. I feel pathetic, weak, sad. I've kept myself busy, distracted, because sometimes that's just easier than really feeling, really facing what is in my heart. My life isn't bad. I'm comfortable, bored, somewhat alive. That's not enough for me, but sometimes it's easier.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-4613478237344472982008-02-29T01:25:00.000-08:002008-02-29T01:26:17.590-08:00

The baby is due in June.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-90240381346811703902008-02-24T22:51:00.000-08:002008-10-05T22:10:56.020-07:00

It's been a few months. Life has changed in so many ways, and really, I just haven't known what to say, what to feel. I walk around like a robot, pretending at life. I don't know what to do with myself. I've thought about talking to a doctor - maybe antidepressants would help? - but in the end I know I wouldnt take them anyway, so I don't reach out.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-15071168563573210192007-12-01T19:13:00.000-08:002007-12-01T19:14:26.455-08:00

It's snowing! Has been for hours! There are about 6 inches on the ground.... Very cool. Or COLD rather. :D

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-62688948879206783802007-11-25T22:42:00.000-08:002007-11-25T22:45:27.921-08:00

I've never let myself feel like the victim where my dad was concerned, I guess because I needed to think there was something somewhere somehow strong and good and right in my life, and he was the only thing I could pinpoint, or he was the closest thing I had to that I guess. Dave and I were talking tonight about things between my Dad and I growing up, a timeline I guess, and he came right out

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-86071835002576767942007-11-19T08:57:00.000-08:002007-11-19T09:00:12.168-08:00

Sorted through the christmas stuff last night so that I could give Dan all of his grandma's ornaments. I expected it to be a tough thing, giving away half of everything, the baubles that have decorated my home every Christmas for the last 10 years, but really, it was so nice to declutter, to purge, to simplify. I feel good about it. I started out with 2 huge boxes, and they turned into 3 - one

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-58416282213522835752007-11-12T21:10:00.000-08:002007-11-12T22:57:49.549-08:00

Texas, miles and miles and milesCotton fieldsPowdered donutssome kind of grainNew Mexicomore of the same in New Mexicoand moreOh! A hill!real trees!my monkey boysa common sight on our trip, unfortunately. I hate U-Haul.My Michael boyrest area funMarkie is king of the rockDenver Convention center... What a COOL statue!!!I love this! Still in Denver...More of DenverDenver REI - most important :)

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-35930564725252150792007-11-08T23:13:00.000-08:002007-11-08T23:40:15.026-08:00

I screwed up NaBloPoMo already. I guess I dont feel too bad about it though - I just couldn't write last night, and I dont want to write here because I feel like I have to - I want to write because I want to, because I have something to say.I think I might have been a whiny brat tonight. My feelings were hurt, and I made it known, but I'm not sure if I had a right to be hurt or not. Regardless

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-55078645779833196072007-11-06T22:43:00.000-08:002007-11-06T22:44:42.487-08:00

I've decided I desperately need an attitude adjustment. I need to pull myself out of this slump. I need to make the most of my world. Ugh.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-35857860320989922992007-11-05T23:34:00.000-08:002007-11-05T23:37:17.036-08:00

Driving home from work tonight, pushing the seek button on the radio, and finding that the only stations in the whole friggin Seattle area that were actually playing music were the ones playing classical music, Spanish music, or Eminem. What happened to radio stations playing MUSIC???

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-54411907326746161072007-11-04T11:58:00.000-08:002007-11-05T07:40:02.253-08:00

Committing to writing every day and then getting sick sucks, sucks, sucks. Blah.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-76156311423288295862007-11-03T23:40:00.000-07:002007-11-04T00:41:19.456-07:00

Tired, depressed, not feeling well, lame post, I know... Tomorrow is another day.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-70279971344308437512007-11-02T23:46:00.000-07:002007-11-02T23:51:35.473-07:00

Wow, close call. I was afraid I wasn't going to make it home by midnight, and I was going to screw up NaBloPoMo 2008 already, on day 2. 2007 I mean. See?!? I don't even know what year it is anymore. How lame is that? Today was going to be the big photo post showing my big long drive across the west, but I just can't do it tonight. It's been a day from hell, and I'm depressed, and I'm

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-16831024719900361632007-11-01T08:08:00.000-07:002007-11-01T08:11:43.449-07:00

8AM, November 1st... day one of NaBloPoMo!! Woohoo!!! i'm exhausted. Fun stuff. I've spent the last week flying from Seattle to Dallas, packing my friend B's entire house into a gigantic U-Haul truck, and driving back to Seattle. We had tire trouble, transmission trouble, and a REALLY long trip. We drove through Texas, New Mexico, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, and finally Washington.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-62078614741232527822007-10-27T20:38:00.001-07:002007-10-27T20:38:55.527-07:00

I'm in texas, here to help my bestest bud move home to washington. I'm exhausted.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-17273568625981193382007-10-12T21:52:00.001-07:002007-10-12T22:01:45.182-07:00

So I just read the my posts for the last year, October through October. I'm not sure what prompted that, except that I'm home alone tonight for the first time in a long time, and there it was. It's definitely been a ride. So many ups and downs, so much craziness. I've spent the better part of an hour sitting here crying, and that makes me sad as much as anything, because really my life is

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-66489938738394459742007-10-07T14:15:00.000-07:002007-10-07T14:30:00.872-07:00

It's almost NaBloPoMo time again. For those of you who don't know what NaBloPoMo is, run away now while you are still blissfully ignorant! :) I'm kidding, really. *wink, wink...really...* NaBloPoMo is National Blog Posting Month. If you commit yourself to it you're supposed to blog every day for the entire month of November. I signed on last year thinking it was a good opportunity to force

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-58189347937371634332007-10-05T23:16:00.000-07:002007-10-05T23:25:13.215-07:00

Wow. An entire month and a half without posting. I wish I could say real life was just so good, so interesting, that i got caught up in it and forgot about this thing I have here. Unfortunately, that's not the case. Life has just been incredibly hectic and rather lackluster. I've been so stressed, so rushed, so completely buried, that I haven't had time to breathe, much less write (or take

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-10800151373337062542007-08-20T23:12:00.000-07:002007-10-05T23:34:46.493-07:00

1. So I've reconfirmed tonight that a. I would rather carry the weight of the world and my heart and my emotion and the burden of all work everywhere and everything everywhere than ever push anything on anyone else. Really. Seriously. I said it a lot more eloquently the first time tonight, but I'm emotionally spent at this point, so you get what you get b. I'm stubborn as hell, and would

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-79439006284480621642007-08-08T17:32:00.000-07:002007-08-08T17:33:10.602-07:00

Looking at pictures of my girls is almost debilitating right now. They've been at Dan's house visiting for close to 3 weeks. You would think I would get used to them being gone and it wouldn't be so bad, but every day is harder. I feel like a huge chunk of my heart has been ripped out, like it's missing. They should be home this weekend in theory, and that will be most excellent. Corinne

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-47501467084225387632007-08-06T23:28:00.000-07:002007-10-05T23:33:02.211-07:00

1. First day back to work after a good chunk of a week taken off to move. UGH.2. He told me this morning about the great relationship he has with a female coworker. He tells me in detail about how they sexually harass one another to pass the time. It's all in good fun, and they are goofing around, but he shouldn't tell me these things. My heart can't handle it. My head knows it's no big

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-52755325881891268492007-08-01T00:05:00.000-07:002007-08-01T00:16:39.299-07:00

my pretty green eyes :)sweet baby...insert belongings here... overwhelmingmy home-to-beaaaawwwwww.....

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-61240635202116312842007-07-31T16:02:00.000-07:002007-07-31T16:27:31.636-07:00

There was a time when I was brave, when I didn't care who knew what was in my heart, what was on my mind. I want that back. I feel like i censor myself so much here, so completely. I worry about who might read my words, who might be hurt by them, who might judge me for them. I've always worried about that, even before anyone I know in person ever knew about this. Why should I care about what

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-15751404544834575642007-07-29T21:39:00.000-07:002007-07-31T23:58:21.293-07:00

Writing and rewriting prior to hitting send, in the interest of not screwing up the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time...Email, 1st draft....I can't stop crying. I hate this crap. I'm so fucking needy that I make myself sick. This is not ME. I hate who I've become in the last few months. I hate what I've become in the last few months. I'm so fucking sensitive to every little

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-66346071053806065202007-07-15T18:21:00.000-07:002007-07-15T18:23:44.457-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-86602828498776132772007-07-12T19:03:00.000-07:002007-07-12T19:31:25.612-07:00

God I hate being so moody and miserable. There are days when my life is great, but there are other days, like today, when I question everything. Am I making the right choices? Am I doing the right things? Am I going in the right direction with my life? Am I so desperate not to be alone that I am settling for something that isn't right for me? I want desperately for the answer to that

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-45342596942364246402007-07-03T00:17:00.000-07:002007-07-03T00:20:57.611-07:00

Sudden, crazy, silly, I know, but I guess that's how it happens, and I'm happy. Weird, huh? :)

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-12865766660828567202007-07-01T23:17:00.000-07:002007-07-01T23:18:30.099-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-61523445930352119762007-06-28T07:17:00.001-07:002007-06-28T07:24:51.228-07:00

as if you didn't already know that. I no longer enjoy Harry Potter movies. I watched the 4th one (Goblet of Fire) night before last with Dave. I spent the first half of the movie really bothered by more grown up Hermione. Something bugged me about her and I couldn't figure out why, and it was just annoying. Flash to the scene at the ball where she walks in... Oh. My. God. She looks so

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-10169805505156643972007-06-28T07:04:00.000-07:002007-06-28T07:13:53.766-07:00

Dan and I stopped fighting and started talking again. This is a good thing. This is a very good thing. I met him half way last night (5 hours round trip) so that the girls could go spend a week with him. They are going to a family get together over the weekend and through the 4th at the coast house. He's taking Nicole and her girls, and that feels so so strange to me. I knwo they are

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-69125879269525160972007-06-25T23:22:00.000-07:002007-06-30T19:32:40.259-07:00

I watched the 3rd Harry Potter movie last night. I'm not sure I think the plot is all that exceptional, but there's something about those kids, a certain charm if you will. Really I would bet that the books are good too... movies made from books always miss so much. Good stuff.I woke up this morning before my alarm went off, refreshed, awake, ready to start the day. This is SO not me. I am

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-45320712426328999682007-06-20T21:53:00.001-07:002007-06-21T22:18:24.492-07:00

I could hear the defeat in his voice today, hear the frustration and the pain when he told me. It was like a kick in the stomach for me. It's so hard to grasp. My life is coming together, and I don't worry about money anymore, don't worry about material things at all. Years and years have passed since I had to be concerned about whether we would have enough to eat or have a roof over our

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-28011909812169919592007-06-20T20:57:00.000-07:002007-06-20T21:25:07.051-07:00

My blogging has been ridiculous lately. Non-existent even. I still haven't gotten film developed, and haven't had time to breathe since I've been back. Life is hectic, but in a good way for the most part. Some favorite California pics from my cellphone below...

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-58093635750452942992007-06-17T16:01:00.000-07:002007-06-17T16:05:32.792-07:00

I've got a hungerTwisting my stomach into knotsThat my tongue has tied offMy brain's repeating"If you've got an impulse let it out"But they never make it past my mouth.Bop ba, this is the sound of settling Bop ba, Bop baOur youth is fleetingOld age is just around the bendAnd I can't wait to go grayAnd I'll sit and wonderOf every love that could've beenIf I'd only thought of something charming to

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-10038481021156563272007-06-06T23:27:00.000-07:002007-06-06T23:38:52.352-07:00

Yep, that's me. Big excitement, I tell ya!me in reading glasses..A certain talented child-poet I know...What a freakin beautiful sunset we had last night...This picture doesn't begin to do this particular view justice either. Those mountains you can barely make out? Along the line between sky and water? HUGE, IN YOUR FACE, snow-capped, rugged AMAZING. THIS is exactly why I choose to live here.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-38084664987585414522007-06-05T10:15:00.001-07:002007-06-06T13:56:21.523-07:00

All kinds of things going through my head, and I really haven't had time to write in days. Do you know that I bought a magazine that I wanted to read 2 months ago and havent even had time to open it yet, much less read it? This is ridiculous. I did start in on a book a good blog friend sent my way while I was on the plane wandering the country, (Thanks again Neal! You are awesome! I'm loving it

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-52158975856896256492007-05-24T06:40:00.001-07:002007-05-31T17:13:42.434-07:00

It's a little after 6 am and i'm in a motel 6 in Gilroy california. I've never been so happy to have my alarm go off after only 6 hours of sleep because i just woke from a nightmare so vivid that i feel ill and i just can't shake it. In my dream there was a man out to get me, trying to kill me. He chased me all over town as i ran from him, hid from him. He was playing mind games - leaving little

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-60470113397662250002007-05-21T20:53:00.000-07:002007-05-21T21:00:57.359-07:00

I had a great weekend. It was really good seeing Bobbie again so soon, spending more time with her. I'm totally spoiled by 2 weekends in a row. Texas is beautiful, the sunshine and storms are amazing, and musty musky humidity really sucks. It's going to be really hard to leave in the morning, but by 10am I'll be in San Diego with Steph. I *think* we're going to spend a little time there with

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-50028463861159489252007-05-18T17:51:00.000-07:002007-05-18T17:55:14.926-07:00

I am a total freakin basket case. It's nothing, and it's everything, and I am just so sick of it. I can go along just fine for weeks, and then the world hits me like a freight train all over again. You know, I kind of like freight trains too, but it's just too much. All I want to do is go home, crawl under the covers, and cry, but instead I'm scrambling to wrap things up at work (yeah, right)

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-46396907323565058012007-05-17T07:47:00.000-07:002007-05-17T08:06:08.043-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-70151465825937459082007-05-10T14:51:00.000-07:002007-05-10T14:52:39.433-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-52506683119209056312007-05-10T11:23:00.000-07:002007-05-10T12:01:29.477-07:00

Bobbie sent me these videos from her cell phone... They are having some AWESOME storms in Texas right now! And guess what?!?! My Bobbie will be here tomorrow!! She is flying in tomorrow morning to spend the weekend with the girls and I! I am sooo excited. The girls would be too, except that they don't know yet. It'll be an awesome surprise when she picks them up from school tomorrow. I

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-83352819079331103902007-05-05T13:10:00.000-07:002007-05-05T15:50:48.682-07:00

I think I might have to pull out my sewing machine this week...(and I think I might have to become Super Woman to find the time, but that's another issue entirely)I am loving these pretty things today:LOVE this bagand LOVE LOVE this bagI LOVE lavender, and I LOVE patchwork. Hmmmm.I TOTALLY love these birds....and how cute is this bag? I obviously have a thing for bags right now.This is

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-16962342387708583472007-05-03T11:20:00.000-07:002007-05-03T11:22:41.894-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-66745292588408848882007-04-24T12:21:00.000-07:002007-04-24T13:51:36.172-07:00

Today is another dreary day. I feel like there is a dark cloud hanging over my head, following me around wherever I go. I said goodbye last night to someone I care a lot about. That's the second big goodbye I've said this week. There's something to be said for independence, for giving up my security blankets, but does it really have to come at the cost of the presence of those I care about in

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-7266361133003761882007-04-22T17:49:00.000-07:002007-04-24T13:53:32.596-07:00

The girls and I went for a drive up to Brown's Creek this morning. I should really have been getting stuff done around the house, but I needed out.We made funny faces in the car....and we saw some clearcutswhich made us very sadthrowing rocks in the river helped us to feel betterand then we threw some more rocks in the riverBrooke was feeling especially mischievious so she went on an island

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-40341337547673383122007-04-19T19:26:00.000-07:002007-04-24T13:54:44.894-07:00

I did it. I got up the nerve just now to tell someone close to me how I felt. It wasn't good stuff. It wasn't easy. In the end I cried, and then I had to pull myself together for my kiddos.I didn't even know I was really attached until I pushed him away.Why do I do that?

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-23698765224884011052007-04-18T20:56:00.000-07:002007-04-24T13:59:41.998-07:00

I'm the girl you bumped into at the grocery store last night. You looked away because I don't fit your ideal.I'm the girl you turned to when your wife left. When I typed that sentence I accidentally replaced the w with an l. I don't think it was a random mistake. You held my heart in your hands and my body in your bed, and then she came back to you.I'm the girl who used to wear your ring on my

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-29922163109378384472007-04-15T07:45:00.000-07:002007-04-24T14:00:26.549-07:00

This song made me cry last night...I hurt myself todayto see if I still feelI focus on the painthe only thing that's realthe needle tears a holethe old familiar stingtry to kill it all awaybut I remember everythingwhat have I become?my sweetest friendeveryone I knowgoes away in the endand you could have it allmy empire of dirtI will let you downI will make you hurtI wear this crown of thornsupon

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-46593185294639637592007-04-10T20:23:00.000-07:002007-04-24T14:07:41.519-07:00

wise words from a friend...I need to remember this.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-87732330763430270742007-04-10T11:14:00.000-07:002007-04-24T14:08:06.705-07:00

Maybe I just have a cheesy sense of humor, but I thought this was the funniest thing...very sweet.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-74481059545818545382007-04-09T14:31:00.001-07:002007-04-09T14:31:21.571-07:00

You know, I keep revisiting this today, hoping to find growth and clarity and a way to move forward, and I continue to feel so ill. I feel like I am spiraling out of control. I feel like I am following recklessly a path of self destruction. Many wonderful things have happened in my life recently. My heart has been touched deeply. I really just need to hold myself together, hold myself

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-90662925274507647232007-04-09T13:43:00.000-07:002007-04-09T14:30:38.130-07:00

You know...it's not to say that my life is terrible or i'm insanely miserable. I just feel reckless. I feel a need to hold myself accountable, to think things through, to make conscious choices about what is right for me. I haven't been good about that. I've thrashed along irregardless of my heart, my soul...in the name of my heart, my soul, so desperate to find whatever it is i am looking for in

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-85253372423114022862007-04-09T12:18:00.001-07:002007-04-09T12:18:43.501-07:00

I know it's become my favorite analogy, but I'm left again today feeling like I need to take a moment to step off of the roller coaster. I feel like I am reckless with my emotion, charging ahead without reason, and the only purpose that could possibly serve is to break my heart. I can't go through that again and again. After all that has happened my instinct clearly is to run wild, to let loose

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-50541372567927474822007-04-02T10:05:00.000-07:002007-07-31T21:15:09.474-07:00

I'm so done. I don't want to be, but I don't know how else to be at this point. Patience has never been my strong point anyway, but I've stuck this thing out, and I feel like I've done so for too long. I'm bored with halfway to never. I want here and now, and I want passion. Is that so wrong?

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-46947085415019439772007-04-01T18:37:00.000-07:002007-04-01T18:47:20.644-07:00

I've come so far this week in terms of acceptance. I'm trying to decide now if it's growth or insanity. The girls are visiting Dan in Oregon this week. I agreed Friday to let him take him over to his girlfriend's house for a few hours so they could meet her and her kiddos. He does live there, so there will have to be a point when they visit him there I'm sure, and easing them into that has to be

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-59460992024983470392007-03-28T16:22:00.000-07:002007-03-28T16:30:09.149-07:00

I hurt today. I guess my mind catches on weird things when I can't concentrate on reality. The all-knowing web says it's full of vitamin C, Vitamin K, Vitamin B6, Folate, Pantothenic Acid Protein, Thiamin, Riboflavin, Phosphorus, Potassium and Manganese. I'm not sure I buy it. It's plain, colorless, and practically tasteless. How could it possibly be that good for you?Just as an aside,

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-15617156663192860942007-03-27T11:36:00.000-07:002007-03-27T11:37:21.822-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-33251699761849868112007-03-24T22:14:00.000-07:002007-03-24T22:16:00.912-07:00

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-35521440955359177712007-03-19T15:24:00.000-07:002007-03-19T22:34:00.242-07:00

I don't know why I let myself get so caught up in emotion. It's silly really. I have all the time in the world to find the life I want to live. I get so caught up in the here and now, in making this moment count like it's the last, and in some ways that's good, but in other ways it's really bad. It doesn't matter if it happens today, or tomorrow, or in 5 years, as long as I am making a point to

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-89842093909637304732007-03-15T09:43:00.001-07:002007-03-15T09:43:18.589-07:00

Thanks Amanda :)

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-79317032444598946972007-03-14T21:56:00.001-07:002007-03-14T22:06:48.473-07:00

I just had an IM conversation with Dan's girlfriend pretending to be him. It's insane to me that I could tell in so few (misspelled) words that she wasn't him. Funny stuff.

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-31424051203828534942007-03-07T11:54:00.001-08:002007-03-07T11:58:18.249-08:00

I feel...amiss. amess. a big ol whoppin rats nest of emotion. Here's where I lay it all on the line and hang my head in shame. Or confusion. Or strength. Or something. Maybe. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I've been doing. I don't like feeling the way I do.Dan's been gone for a little more than 2 months now. Our romantic relationship effectively ended a little more than

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5979557.post-40278741037946139752007-03-05T21:08:00.000-08:002007-03-05T21:20:05.632-08:00

There are so many things that I find that I appreciate immensely. First and foremost at the moment is an intellectual bond. That's not something I've had with anyone in a really long time. It's really sad to be tossing riddles and puzzles back and forth at one another and have the thought really and actually cross my mind that this is "better than sex." Sadly it's been so long since I've had

Jennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13832792107744201097noreply@blogger.com1